They’re used to it

I sat in the corner of a small room at the office, meditating to bring my mind back to focus and reduce the shaking in my hands. After a long night of bad dreams I needed to spend my morning break in meditation. Then an employee walks in to grab something from the room. Sees me there in half lotus, hands in prayer mode brought up to my third eye chakra, as the voice on my phone guides me to release the intention of my day into the universe. 

She quietly grabs what she needs, sneaks out, and closes the door with as little sound as possible. I walk back to my desk 10 min later and she doesn’t have questions, she’s not weirded out. In fact she was curious only about what meditation app I used. 

My team is so used to this by now. They’ve all walked in as I meditate before. During mindful meditation it is important to refocus your mind as it gets distracted by other things, so it actually helps significantly to practice that while they come in, plus it eases my tension more as I sometimes can’t help but giggle as they try so hard not to disturb me.

I guess the point to the story is (if there is one at least) coworkers are more accepting than you think, and often understand the need for stress release as they are facing work stress as well. So never be ashamed to find a quite spot in your office like an open layout supply closet, or a small conference room with limited windows, and meditate or pray or do some yoga poses. Practicing self care should be done everywhere, even at work. 

Take care of yourself during the day, and set an example for others to do the same. Unless it’s alternating nostril breathing. No Mrs. Therapist I will not practice alternating nostril breathing at work, that’s where I draw the line. 👃😜

I should yoga

I’ve had consistent anxiety for at least a week now. It isn’t bad enough to give me panic attacks, just enough to give me high adrenaline all freakin day. At first I didn’t mind cause I could use that adrenaline to get shit done. But it’s become overwhelming the last few days. 

Last night I was coping by drink wine. Because in my family that’s the way we cope. I come from a long line of alcoholics and usually try to be more careful. So what I plan to do tonight is meditate and do some yoga. I don’t know if that will actually happen, but I brought out my sports bra and yoga pants, so good first step so far.

The wine in the fridge and whiskey in the cupboard are calling to me. But I am calling to my logical side and my strength and pushing myself to do some yoga so I can feel better tomorrow. Wish me luck.


A project that my team is working on this week is completely dependent upon another teams work. The other team is now 4 days behind their deadline. We are the last step before it goes to the customer, so we are the ones that have to take the complaints from the delays. I don’t allow the practice of throwing someone under the bus, so while I am honest in delays I do not blame the other team. I simple explain that we are working together to get this completed.

As the manager I feel it is my job to take the fall for my team. I don’t pass the complaints on, I only explain priorities and how we will prioritize for efficiency once the other team is done. But that means I’m getting hit with it all, and I internalize. It’s been a few months since I’ve self harmed but all I want right now is to release the pressure from my arms. It’s too much and has been weighing on me all day. I feel too deeply, and when I soak it all in and remain strong for my team, who does so for me?

I did the smart thing today and did yoga instead. I did one that helps release and reminds me to do no harm, not just for others but for myself. Ahimsa, non harm, this has been a critical part of my journey over the last year. While the pressure has begun to go down, the tears are coming up. I want to shut off like I do, stop the emotions and become a shell. But that isn’t healthy either. So I will feel, and I will do so as safely as I can.

Here is my favorite yoga video if ever you are interested