I killed Mothman. He was blue and glittery.

Despite my husbands insistence that they are just “nighttime butterflies” I’m actually quite terrified of moths. I don’t particularly like butterflies either, they’re more of a “pretty at a distance” kind of crawly winged thing. But moths are like the vampire bunny creature of the night. Um, I should probably explain I’m also terrified of bunnies as I’m fairly certain they are secretly evil geniuses that will take over the world one day (think Pinky and the Brain but with more fluff). But that’s a whole other discussion.

The window in our car stopped working this week, it will roll down but not up. So I was driving and a moth got in the car and I’m trapped between panic that there is a moth and panic that I’ll crash the car if I don’t stop panicking about the moth. Then the moth may or may not have flown out the window and I was trying to convince myself it for sure flew out the window when suddenly I discovered something on my chest. Right in my cleavage! It was small and flat and when I picked it up it made a little crunch in the middle. Holly shit I killed the moth! 😱😭

This gave me all sorts of new panic. First because I touched a moth and will forever be infected by moth cooties, second because I killed the moth and maybe it will haunt me forever, third because it was still in the car with me, and fourth because the moth landed on me. It landed on me! It may as well have asked me to pet a bunny while it was at it!!! 😰 The second I heard the crunch I flung it across the car as my panic continued to grow exponentially, then realized I threw it at the passenger seat rather than out the window. So I pulled into a parking lot and turned the flashlight on on my phone to start looking for the moth.

After an exhaustive search I discovered the flat creature lying still just above the glove compartment. I shined the flashlight on it and discovered something interesting. The moth was blue and sparkly. It was the exact color of my nail polish. Apparently when the moth supposedly flew out the window I must have waved my hand in panic and the full nails worth of polish came off in one chunk and landed on my chest. I found it, crunched it, and flung it across the car. I’m still not convinced I won’t be haunted by the moth that may or may not have flown out the window, but at least I don’t have moth cooties on my cleavage, or a bunny in my car.

The perfect age for imagination

My youngest son loves science and history. He enjoys learning new facts and is not shy about explaining the facts he has discovered. He is also 7 years old and has a highly developed imagination. This makes “facts” far more interesting when explained by him. Here is what he has taught me so far this week:

1. “The Loch Ness monster eats stones.”

I said I had no idea, to which he explained that it’s simple to understand. “The Loch Ness monster is a modern day variation of the plesiosaur which has been discovered by paleontologists to have swallowed stones. That it is possible the stones helped digest food. So of course the Loch Ness monster swallows stones to help digestion too.”

2. “A girls lifecycle is longer than boys”

I asked if he means average lifespan. He does not. “A girl can have a baby that might grow into another girl, that would have a baby, and the cycle continues. Boys can’t do that.” I had never thought of it that way.

3. “You are a girl momma and you were broken cause you had me and brother.”

Broken? “Yeah, cause a cat that can’t have kittens anymore is fixed so before that they are broken. Momma was able to have the human version of kittens so must have been broken, and is now fixed.”

Because science

So the kids are back in school, and are learning to share faster than learning to properly wash their hands and cover their mouth. So the whole family’s been sick and it is currently my turn. After a full day of work, a conference call for a new project, and a trip to the psych, I’m at home and exhausted.

I decided to drink some coffee to perk me up and get stuff done, but my nose and ears wanted to be jerks. So I took cold medicine with the coffee, because drowsy + caffeine = ???

So basically I’m a mad scientist experimenting with chemicals. Ok that sounds bad. At this point it’s probably best I lie down and see if I’m capable of falling asleep. Who knows, maybe I’ll be highly productive in my dreams. That could be a fun change.

Karma? I guess?

Ok technically I don’t believe in Karma they way it is commonly thought. I believe more so that Karma is us putting energy into the world from our actions and that it has an effect as a whole, but that effect may never actually come back to you. We should do good things selflessly to better the world.

That aside, total “karma” shit going on today. Everything seems to be revolving and coming back to wherever it originated. One such example, my husband accidentally scraped the side of the car on a pole today. He came into the house upset and obviously mentally punishing himself. I used some humor to cheer him up and made sure he understood I wasn’t upset. These things happen. I knew he must be feeling at least a little better when I walked out the door to go to work and he sarcastically said “don’t hit any poles today!”

So guess what I did after work today. Ran into a pole. But only a little bit, just the passenger side mirror hit and it popped out he mirror but no lasting damage so I was able to pop it back in.  I came home and told my husband and he was sweet as ever, and used humor to cheer me up. It was like a weird mix of Karma and Deja vu and joint stupidity. And was just one example of this kind of randomness today. 

I wonder what tomorrow will bring….

I should probably do that

So if I take my mood stabilizer even a couple hours later than usual it makes my tongue feel like I ate really hot soup too fast. You know, that burned numb weird feeling? Yeah, quickest way to know I forgot.

So this was my morning….

“Honey bunch! Let’s go shopping together!”

“Ooo, lets look in this section! No that way! Can we go through the craft section? I NEEEEEED more fake plants.”

*calmly and quietly* “thank you for taking me to lunch. This is so nice. Oh, the waitress gave me extra pickles cause I said I like them. So sweet.”

“Yes music machine, he is very cute. Yeah, totally adorable. Yes honey, I’m talking to a machine!”

“The car radio volume HAS to be on a number ending in 0,3,5 or 7. How can you still not do that for me?!”

*loudly and in a parking lot* “I AM HOLDING THE BOX OF CUPCAKES PERFECTLY FINE SO SHUT UP!”

*as I burst into tears* “I’m a failure as a wife! I ruined everything! I can’t do anything right!”

“My tongue feels weird. Why does my tongue feel weird? The soup wasn’t that hot last night… OHHHH!”

“Honey, I didn’t take my meds on time. I’m taking them now. The morning has been explained”

Hormones to the rescue

So I had hit the point of dead inside depression (the days of silence, and the first post this week) and then hit the breakdown that was yesterday. Today I’m feeling more emotional and alive. I’m still depressed, still panicky, everything definitely feels haywire. But I am alive again, and I’ll consider that a step in the right direction.

Of course I’m only alive again thanks to my monthly visitor, so I’m also feeling a bit like punching things in the face. But it’s still alive. And just less than a week before my next psych and therapy appointment (which I for some bizarre reason scheduled the same day). So looks like I’ll survive for more treatment, woot! SuperHormoneWomen to the rescue! Name just rolls off the tongue 🤦‍♀️. Time to turn on an audiobook and do some knitting.

And why oh why did I think I should do psych and therapy in the same day? I always do therapy a week after psych so I know how any med changes are doing first. And because I don’t like to speak or exsist after my psych appointment anyway. What was I thinking? Am I crazy? Don’t answer that…