If we were having coffee…


If we were having coffee it would be BYOB today, bring your own book. I’ve decided to escape reality in a healthy manner today and so will be reading a lot. I’m currently reading hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, and re-reading Alice through the looking glass. What book will you be bringing today?

If we were having coffee we would hide in the corner, drink hot coffee to warm us up and share our favorite parts of the books. Let me know what book you recommend and why. Let me know what that favorite part is. I’m at the part of Hitchhikers Guide that describes the President of the Galactic Emprire and am highly amused, so far that’s my favorite part today.

I cannot exsist in the world today, I’m sorry. But I hope you don’t mind joining me in my literary reality.

Happy reading 📖 

I suck at therapy

Therapist- “So how have you been doing?”

Me- “good”

Translation- EVERYTHING SUCKS BUT I MUST HIDE IT!

___________________

Therapist- “how’s work going?”

Me- “it’s fine. Better I think. I mean it’s stressful, but that’s just because there’s a lot going on. That’s not my anxiety or anything, it’s just a busy time. It’s fine.”

Translation- Yeah, my anxiety is going nuts.

__________________

Therapist- “have you been making time for self care?”

Me- “yeah, it’s just not working.”

Translation- I half assed some meditation and gave up.

__________________

Clearly I’m not doing this right, luckily she knows me well enough to move these coversations to the truth. But I’ve decided to start bringing my DBT or CBT worksheets back to therapy in hopes of externalizing my shit better. So which would you recommend I start with? Have you done worksheets from DBT or CBT?

 

Where shall we go?

As I sit on the couch half asleep to reality, lost in the consuming depression that seems to only grow with time, I read. Sometimes only in short bursts before my brain consumes me again and I must stop. Sometimes for a few hours allowing me to jump into someone elses world and forget my own for a time.

As I sat here in another spurt of not being able to pick up my book, I hear my son from the other room. “Mamma, after we put away our toys tonight can you read us a book?”. To some perhaps this is a simple question. To me this is the world. My children are both daddy’s boys and my disorder tells me they will never love me as they do him. That they don’t trust me or want me around. But today they want me to read. They want me to share an imaginary world with them. Tonight we will snuggle on the couch with hot apple cider or hot cocoa and travel together to another land.

Instead of sitting here lost in my current depression I can sit here and wonder, where will we go tonight? Hogwarts? Terabithia? Wonderland? Terror Tower? Mars? Those are just some of the places ready to be opened in my living room tonight. My sons question has reawakened me and I cannot wait to see where he chooses for us to travel tonight.


Update… he insisted on my reading “The Children’s Atlas of the Universe” even after my trying to explain “that’s not really a story book”. So I finally gave in only to quickly discover that I have no idea how to pronounce Kuiper, and so made up my own planet facts. Did you know that since Jupiter is the biggest gas giant in our solar system, that it also has the smelliest farts?   Yeah, he didn’t believe me either.