Unpredictability of a cat

So we adopted a kitten yesterday, we of course named her The President. If you're not sure why we named her that might I recommend reading "Furiously Happy" by Jenny Lawson 😉

When introducing a cat to a new home you expect it to be scared, hide for a while, take time to adjust, right? This thing walked around smelling everything for about 5 minutes, accepted this as home, and has been perfectly fine since. She apparently is also freakishly smart. When the shelter brought in the travel box and told her she was going home with us, she walked to the litter box and peed before contentedly being put in the box. Wish I could teach my kids to pee before we went places. She also has been trying to drink my frappuccino, by literally putting her mouth over the straw. Huh.

We currently have another cat who's about 10 years old. So we expect her to be territorial and maybe a bit aggressive. In fact the shelter is allowing us to do a "slumber party" so essentially we can help the kitties adjust to each other over the next week, and if it simply isn't going to work we can return her to be adopted by a family who is a better fit (while simultaneously breaking my heart 😞). What is interesting is that she isn't aggressive, she is terrified. She has been hiding behind the toilet since we brought The President home and refuses to come out.

So our large 10 year old cat is terrified of a tiny fluff ball, and the kitten needed no adjustment time whatsoever. Cats are strange and unpredictable creatures. But I should probably stop typing now cause The President is now sitting on my lap and attacking her own tail.

By a robber in the woods

A very dear friend of mine attempted suicide this weekend. She survived and is safe in a psychiatric hospital right now. But I spoke with her today and she still seems overcome by the depression and the sorrow she faces. I looked briefly through photos of us over the past few months and can see, now with clarity, the smile on her face and the sorrow in her eyes.

I am in hermit mode while I safely heal my own broken heart as she exhaustedly fights for hers. I await to see the success of her fight because I cannot bear it to think she may lose. She is strong, though she doesn't see it. She is brave, though she sees only her fear. I will see the truth of her on her behalf while she navigates the dark woods of her depression.

I do not claim to be religious but have studied numerous scholars of numerous religions. One of the things that has always stuck with me was the idea by Martin Luther in the 16th Century that suicide did not mean that the soul was damned. That having your life taken by the despair the devil attacks you with is no different than being murdered by a robber in the woods. I believe that to be true.

My friend was attacked by a robber in the woods. She survived but continues to fight through these horrifying woods of her mind. I hope she receives the guidance she needs to make it out. Whether through a god, a therapist, a friend, or a family member. I want her to come safely out, back into the sunshine that will heal her.

He’s still processing

I could see that my son was stressed, but unsure why exactly. He's 6 years old so doesn't know the words for what is happening in his mind. We talked and I gave him time to process the words while I listened. And I gave him some new words that might help explain his feelings, and make him feel less alone in his thoughts.

He started out by saying he wishes this was a dream.
"Why do you wish it were a dream?"
"I think maybe it should be a nightmare."
"What makes it a nightmare?"
"Um, because I want to wake up from it."
"Why do you want to wake up from this?"
Long pause….
"I just do."
"If you woke up, what would be different?"
"Well, I wouldn't have to eat all the healthy food" pause…
"Anything else?"
"Yeah, my room would be clean."
"Well, you can make that happen."
"But there's SO MUCH. All the toys all around, it makes me like I'm dizzy."
"Ok. Well we can find ways to make that easier."
Long pause….
"Is there anything else that would be different?"
"Well…"
Another pause…
"You can tell me sweetie."
"Well…. my fish would be back."

And that's when it clicked. He's been more irritable since his fish died. I can't believe I didn't connect the two before. So we snuggled for a bit, he began to cry. I just hugged him. I can see he's still processing the loss of his fish and it breaks my heart. We talked a bit more. I told him that maybe he was stressed, and he asked what that means. I described it as when things make us upset in a way that our feelings make us feel dizzy. But not like spinning around in circles dizzy, just an emotions dizzy.

I could see his understanding. I knew that was what he had been trying to put into words. I explained that when our stress feels really big, it makes us feel overwhelmed. I think he understood.

Today my son learned that his emotions have names, and he is not alone in them. Today I was reminded that he does have strong emotions, and I need to help him learn to process them. I never learned that as a child. I have the emotional (and physical) scars to prove it. I will do all that I can to help my kids learn to process their emotions.

Scheduling sucks

So I got chewed out by my boss this morning for not properly documenting something that I scheduled (technically just approved to be scheduled) back in April. Than I realize I scheduled something else wrong, went in to correct it, and got hit with 20 questions on "why are you making changes?" Maybe I'm making changes to make you stop bitching at me! Clearly my mind is adjusting well to my third new manager in a year.

Then I realize I forgot to schedule a time to stop by the pharmacy, but not to worry, I'll be in that area tomorrow for my psych follow up, I can get them on the way there. But if she changes my meds that's a waste, so I should get them on the way back. But if I do that I'll be late coming home and I have to get my son to Karate class. Why did I schedule an appointment on the other side of town immediately before Karate class?

Of course at this point of my scheduling nightmare of a day I decided to stop dwelling and instead take some notes on what to mention to the psych since it's a follow up from a recent med change. My attempt to think of notes went as follows "it made me constantly exhausted which was not insomnia, but still sucked, but then it got better, but than worse, but I can't tell cause I've been exhausted all day, but it's past midnight and I'm still awake, but the dreams are better, but not last night, but I've been feeling, um, better? Same? Um, I don't know, but BREATH DAMMIT. So I decided not to write that down for her.

What I did notice was that I have no idea how the new med is effecting me, and mostly that is because I'm hormonal. Because apparently I thought it would be a good idea to follow up with my psych during my period. Because of course that would give me a great understanding of my body chemistry from the new med!

So I suck at scheduling, and my new boss already hates me, and I'm exhausted… again.

Good night y'all. Wish me a night of dreamless sleep 😴

If we were having coffee…

If we were having coffee we would be sitting next to a large window at home, soaking in the sunshine without the fear and crazy of the world outside. And avoiding sunburns. Inside on sunny days makes my nose and shoulders feel safe 👍

If we were having coffee we would be chatting about nothingness. This has been a week of ups and downs. Politically things are weird, weather has been weird, and my life right now is weird. My new med kicked in and at first made me constantly exhausted, which fixes the insomnia I guess but still sucks. I finally adjusted more to it and am back on a normal sleep schedule with vivid dreams, but not nightmares. My week was starting to pick up until yesterday morning when my anxiety hit out of nowhere. I was coping fine until I got a call from my mom. My uncle was in a bad car accident and has not yet regained consciousness. He went through an emergency surgery fine and it's just a waiting game at this point.

If we were having coffee we would distract each other with jokes, music, and random chatting. We would enjoy the day off and the lack of responsibility for the moment. Tomorrow we can get back to the insanity of the day, our lives, and the world around us. But for today let's relax and enjoy our coffee.

They all said no

I had a shitty day, but for the first time in a long time our country did not. So I still can see hope glimmering in the future regardless of my inner turmoil in the present.

Today Senators John McCain, Lisa Murkowski, and Susan Collins said no. They will not let their party pass this joke of a “healthcare” bill.

Today the military said no. They will not go backwards in this countries fight for equality. They will let their strong American heroes continue to fight for this country regardless of gender.

Today the Boy Scouts of America said no. They were not supposed to let Trumps speech go on as it did, they should have stopped it.

Today this country said NO. No Mr. President you cannot bully us into submission. We will fight back. Our senators, military, and national groups are remembering their duty. They are realizing what it means to be loyal to the country, not the president. The citizens of this country have been fighting for this country, and those in a position to take a stand are finally waking up and hearing us. They are saying no, no president will bring this country down.

There is still a long way to go, but today was a large step in that resistance.

I asked earlier this week for those of the LGBTQ community to consider sharing their story here on the blog. I want to open that further. Anyone who wants to share their struggle, or fight, or success in regards to equality, let me know. Hit the contact section of the site and send me a message asking to write a guest post.

Wear a turban and twirl like a princess

So my kids met a man yesterday who happened to be wearing a turban. They thought that was the COOLEST THING. Now in part this is because both of my sons like to wear a shirt on their head and twirl like a princess, and thought maybe a turban was like a head shirt. But also because upon talking to him they just thought the guy was cool in general.

I explained that turbans were used to cover the head for cultural or religious reason. Which unfortunately was the extent of my knowledge (I now plan to research the use and meaning of the turban in further detail). But I think my favorite part of this is that my children are not afraid of differences, and they know they can ask me about them. I love discussing different cultures, religions, or ways of life with my kids so that they recognize that the differences between all of us are normal.

People are people, end of story, so find what is unique about each person and celebrate it. Especially when celebrating it is watching watching your sons put shirts on their head and twirling like a princess. Even more amusing is the fact that their imaginary friend named Princess is apparently the ruler of the demon kingdom. Kids are interesting creatures.

**Side note: I did a search of "turban" in the stock photos I like to use and among the search results found this one. And can I just say on behalf of us all "HUBBA HUBBA" this dude makes me purrrrr 😻

🌈 Come share your story 🌈

I am a firm believer in equality. So often I feel that I am not doing enough to support it though. I live in a way to treat people equally, I teach my kids to do the same. But I want to do more. I don't have much to offer in support, but I do have a blog. So I am asking you to share your story through a guest post. Right now I am focusing on the LGBTQ community as they are facing tremendous discrimination right now. The legal equality we have fought for is being taken away.

If you would like to share your story go to the contact section of the site and send me a message asking to write a post. I'll email you back so you can send me your guest post. I'm doing it this way for privacy reasons and also to help me keep organized.

You can speak to discrimination you've faced, support and love you've received, your story of coming out, or maybe you aren't ready to come out and would like to post anonymously what you can't yet say elsewhere.

You will have the choice of posting your name or remaining anonymous. If you have a blog I'd be happy to include the link in the post, or simply send me a message through the contact section with a link to one of your own posts you would like me to reblog.

If you simply want to leave a quick comment here you are welcome to do so. But if you want to share your story or blog I ask that you please send me a private message first because I want you to have your own post. I don't want you lost in a line of comments, I want you to have the space and focus you deserve.

Love you all! Namaste – I bow to the divine in you

Wait, what was I gonna say?

I had a post in my head yesterday and didn't have time to hop on. And then it got lost somewhere in my brain.

I had a post in my head today and it got lost in my mind by the time I got home from work.

I don't know if it's sleep deprivation or the new med or my currently hectic schedule, but apparently my brain is eating things alive. But that's ok, my brain has been far more jackassish many a time, so I'll take the forgotten fog and fluff and enjoy the partial emptiness of my thought process.

So in the meantime, enjoy some washing machine music. It makes me giggle and sing along every time.

Watching him grow up before my eyes

My son lost his fish today. It’s his first experience with loss, and heartbreaking to watch the journey. When we told him his fish was gone he asked if he could have another. He seemed focused on that, on having a new fish. Then his focus shifted to the now dead fish in an attempt to help Daddy get it out of the tank. He didn’t seem too emotional until it came time to flush. He plopped the  fish in the toilet, slowly walked towards it, said “bye bye fish” and in that moment I saw him grow up, just a bit. He gained new knowledge of the world in that split second and it broke my heart. With this new found knowledge of grief he hesitantly flushed the toilet and burst into tears. Lots of tears, snuggles, and ice cream with sprinkles, and he is now feeling more calm and falling asleep. I hope he has good dreams tonight, and that tomorrow he can be a little carefree child again. But I know that to some degree he can’t, that I saw him grow up today and feel a touch of the sorrow that this world has to offer.

Bye bye fishy. Thank you for bringing my son joy through your life.