Bigger on the inside

I feel sometimes like having BPD makes me like the TARDIS, bigger on the inside. My emotions are so strong, so powerful, so huge, that the outside of me begins to shut down and shrivel into a tiny lump in the corner. All week I have been trapped in this. Mostly with anger. I physically feel anger the same way I do anxiety. I feel it creeping around in my arms and legs. I feel it tighten my chest and weigh down in my stomach. I feel these sensations spinning around in me until I think I may burst. But I don’t. My insides have made room for the swirl of anger, and my outsides have learned to blend into the background and remain calm and small. But how long will this last? How long until I explode into a million broken pieces from the exhaustion of my insides?

8 thoughts on “Bigger on the inside

  1. Grizzly Man

    I’m sorry you’re struggling with this.
    Thank you for sharing. I can really relate, your words so perfectly articulate how intense my emotions and thoughts are at the moment, wondering how I can keep all this in without breaking and the utter exhaustion I feel at the end of each day.
    So thanks for making me feel a little less alone.
    I hope you can take some comfort in the strength and resilience you have to keep handling such intense feelings and being able to share them with others.
    Wishing you a little peace today xx

    Liked by 1 person

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