I’ll be your farmer if you’ll be my gun

Do you ever think about if you could survive the zombie apocalypse, and how? I totally do. It probably would make more sense to plan for more likely apocalypses (apocalypsi?) but I don’t think I would live long enough to see apocalypse status. Like if it were from war, I’d probably do something stupid like go outside to see what that loud sound was. If it was from a mutant virus, well lord knows I catch everything and respond to no medication. If it was from like a giant meteor or something it’d probably smoosh me anyway. So zombie apocalypse is really my only shot here.

I figure first I need drinkable water, yeah? I know where rivers and streams are in my area and most of my surrounding states thanks to early adulthood road trips, and can easily get my hands on more of the water testing kits to make sure the zombies didn’t poison the water. Though I don’t think they usually do that, do they?

Second I need food. I come from farmers on my moms side of the family, so I have a few skills. I would mostly focus on vegetable gardens and fruit trees with some cows and chickens for milk and eggs. I have a black thumb when it comes to most plants, but surprisingly the only garden I’ve successfully grown is a vegetable garden. So in theory I should be able to make it work.

Third is shelter. I come from carpenters on my dads side, so can actually build things surprisingly enough. So far I’m doing pretty good! I would need to learn how to properly chop and process wood. But after loosing a few limbs I think I’d get the hang of it πŸ˜‰

Fourth, and this is where I struggle, I need protection. Everyone knows that the way to kill a zombie is a gun shot to the head. Unless Hollywood has been lying to us. But Hollywood wouldn’t do that, they are totally trustworthy! Right?! So anyhoo, I have no coordination and could never trust myself with a gun. So I need help. I need a non-shaking, non-clumsy, very coordinated hand with a gun. Ideally that hand would also be attached to a body, but I don’t judge. So if anyone wants to team up with me for the zombie apocalypse and has a hand that matches that description, let me know. I’ll totally share my veggies and milk and eggs!

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