Engrossed myself in my computer so no one would question it when I didn’t speak. Waited for everyone else to leave so I wouldn’t need to chat with them as we left together. Walked around the outside of the building, through basically the entire parking lot just so I wouldn’t walk past people I knew would say hi as I passed their desk.
Sometimes even when you feel better, you don’t. The panic, the struggles, the monster whispering lies, they are all still there. They are quieter, less noticeable, less exhausting. But they are still there. But the way I see it, if my habits from rough times bleed through to easier times, then shouldn’t it also work the other way? If I will go out of my way to not talk to people during mild panic because it’s habit from times of strong panic, then I should be able to go out of my way to drink herbal tea and knit out of self care during strong panic because it’s habit from times of mild panic?
I will continue to build better habits, and to focus on increasing those rather than decreasing others. After all, who ever said I can’t occasionally put a great deal of effort into avoiding conversations?