Well that helps the self esteem 

Gearing up for an annual executive meeting. One of the top bosses comes into town to chat with the team managers of our departments and get all our annual data analytics. It’s nerve wrecking enough based on what the meeting is, then add that it’s only annual so you don’t really get much practice. And then of course I’m having one of my lower self esteem fluctuations where I feel like a constant failure. And to top it off I now have some wonderful hormonal zits. 

Ok, all of this probably sounds stupid and mundane, but keep in mind I am combating a variety of mental illnesses. So when my self esteem fluctuates it is EXTREME. Like I want to curl up in a ball and bleed all of my stupidity out through my arm extreme (fortunately my current mindfulness practices are keeping me out of that trap). And my OCD needs routine and consistancy which is completely out of the question this week, therefore making my anxiety go haywire. 

The zits probably should be the least of my worries, but they really do piss me off sometimes. Primarily because I look significantly younger than I am. So when I break out I look like a 15 year old trying on her moms work clothes. Because I look so young anyway I get people treating me like some stupid little girl if they are first working with me. It drives me crazy and hits on a lot of my emotion triggers. I actually learned a couple years back that I should always introduce myself over the phone before in person, I sound older than I look. But I can’t really call into this meeting.

So off I go all week, sitting in meetings with people I barely know, looking like a zit covered 15 year old in her moms clothes, talking statistics that the monster in my brain will continuously whisper are wrong. Wish me luck!

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