So my therapist says instead of focusing on NOT doing self harm, I should focus entirely on something different. Which totally reminded me of the “don’t think of a purple lamp” test that immediately makes you think of a purple lamp. So I decided my therapist was probably right (something I should probably assume more often).
By the way, is anyone else’s purple lamp a lava lamp? Mine is totally a purple lava lamp! And now I want a purple lava lamp…
Anyhoo, I had a stressful morning after yesterday’s stressful day, and it turned into a huge adrenaline rush that first made me really productive, then really cranky, and finally extremely panicked. By the time I got home I went into full panic attack and all I wanted was to release the energy that was trapped in my arms.
I took my therapists advice and turned on one of my favorite guided meditations, “Surrender to the silence within” (you can find it on the insight timer app if you’re curious). And holy crap I feel so much better! What was also cool was that my husband joined me. He hasn’t really gotten into meditation but thinks it’s cool in general, so he snuck in the room and sat with me through the meditation.
So I will certainly continue this focus technique on my journey towards better stability. And maybe I’ll get a lava lamp too. Purple of course.