I am a very vivid dreamer. Essentially I live every day twice, once awake, and once asleep. I was working towards lucid dreaming until I went on a new anti-anxiety that blurs my dreams. Blurs just enough that I can’t focus enough to become lucid, but not enough to make them less vivid.
Last night my dreams turned to lucid nightmares as they occasionally do. And I woke up utterly exhausted and upset. I also have had a terrible and stressful week at work. I spent all morning in tears yelling “I can’t do this anymore!” And then put on enough makeup to hide and went to work.
I am taking a break right now, and listening to some theta waves to calm me. But I’m still struggling to shake it off. I want to curl up in a ball and hide. I want to pretend the world doesn’t exist outside my bed. I want to cry until I have no tears left. But my employees are counting on me, my boss needs me. So I will fight through. I will hide in bathrooms and conference rooms and supply closets as often as possible and I will get through. I hope.