I think I’ll just sit here.

There is a worksheet in DBT about finding the wise mind (well, okay that’s basically the whole book,  but…) this specific worksheet gives a few ideas on what I assume is their version of mindful meditation. This is the one that stuck out to me. And please note that the directions are copied straight from the book. 

“Imagine that within you is a spiral staircase, winding down to your very center. Starting at the top walk very slowly down the staircase, going deeper and deeper within yourself. ••Notice the sensations. Rest by sitting on a step, or turn on lights on the way down if you wish. Do not force yourself further than you want to go. Notice the quiet. As you reach the center of your self, settle your attention there—perhaps in your gut or your abdomen.”

I asked my therapist if it was even safe for me to do this cause it sounded an awful lot like internalizing, and perhaps even dissociating. She said it is in fact safe for me if done in this way, so I tried it. And I actually now use this frequently.

I typically go only a third of the way down my staircase and sit down. Rarely will I ever turn on a light, I prefer the dark when I’m alone. I sit and allow myself to breath. In my staircase no one can spy on me, no one can hear me. I won’t be misunderstood or hated. I almost don’t even exist. Yet I do exist, I breath and feel, I can allow myself peace here on this step. I can rest in the dark without fear. I love this step. So tonight I will sit here. On my internal step. Where no one can find me.