Is there a difference between self care and hiding?

I’m coming out of a mild depression, and getting past the side effects of a recent change in meds. I’m feeling good, much better than I was. But I’m exhausted, and extremely non-communicative. So I’ve been hiding from social media, taking solo tasks at work, and staying home at all times except to go to work. 

My therapist isn’t concerned, she feels that this is self care. That I’m taking it slow while I recoup I guess. But these phases scare me. Am I really feeling better if I’m still anti-social and afraid? Isn’t the exhaustion a sign of depression even if I’m feeling better? Is it really better at all if it’s from medication instead of more therapeutic techniques?

The logical side of my brain tells me that I’m exhausted from what I was dealing with, kind of like how you always get sick on vacation cause you finally slowed down. My logic says medications are stabilizing me just enough to more effectively use my therapeutic techniques. But I don’t always listen to my logical side.

The scared little girl in me say I’m not capable of exsisting within this world. The perfectionist in my says it’s not exhaustion it’s a refusal to get off my lazy ass so “get back to work idiot!” The emotional side of me says medications simply delete parts of me so I can pretend to be human, further proving my lack of worth.

I will continue to meditate, to eat well even when my appetite drops, to take my medications on time, and to allow myself to stay in my safe zone. I will give my therapist and logic the benefit of the doubt, that I just need to take a slow for a bit. I guess we’ll see which part of me turns out to be right.

5 thoughts on “Is there a difference between self care and hiding?

  1. Interesting post! I think there is a distinction to be made between self care and hiding, but it is one that is not always to easy to see. I’d say that while self care should definitely be a priority for you after experiencing a depressive episode, you should also ensure that it doesn’t become a habit. Maybe try to do a small thing each day to try and get yourself back out there?

    Anyway I’m sure you’ve already discussed all of this with your therapist. Thanks for posting nonetheless. It’s made me realise in what areas of my life I need to improve on šŸ™‚

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    1. Those were my thoughts as I read the post. Take small steps. Listen to your logical side and your therapist. The “perfectionist” is not “perfect” and should be ignored until you regain your strength. The “scared little girl” reveals that some things have not healed yet and fears remain. Use your logical side to get to the root of what is causing your fears and examine them with your therapist.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks for your thoughts! It’s interesting that you mention the logical side. The main aspect of DBT (as I understand it at least) is balance between emotional mind and logical mind in order to us the “wise mind” which comes from the two working together. So if I’m lost in my emotions, then yes, I certainly need to add the logical mind back in to find that balance.

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      2. The “emotional side” is like a sensor, telling you what your current status is. I am happy, sad, overjoyed, angry, relaxed, etc. Your logical side then can examine what prompted the “sensor” to go off. I am angry so I need to resolve this. I am happy so I should do this more often. I am sad so I should do this less often.

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