I’m coming out of a mild depression, and getting past the side effects of a recent change in meds. I’m feeling good, much better than I was. But I’m exhausted, and extremely non-communicative. So I’ve been hiding from social media, taking solo tasks at work, and staying home at all times except to go to work.
My therapist isn’t concerned, she feels that this is self care. That I’m taking it slow while I recoup I guess. But these phases scare me. Am I really feeling better if I’m still anti-social and afraid? Isn’t the exhaustion a sign of depression even if I’m feeling better? Is it really better at all if it’s from medication instead of more therapeutic techniques?
The logical side of my brain tells me that I’m exhausted from what I was dealing with, kind of like how you always get sick on vacation cause you finally slowed down. My logic says medications are stabilizing me just enough to more effectively use my therapeutic techniques. But I don’t always listen to my logical side.
The scared little girl in me say I’m not capable of exsisting within this world. The perfectionist in my says it’s not exhaustion it’s a refusal to get off my lazy ass so “get back to work idiot!” The emotional side of me says medications simply delete parts of me so I can pretend to be human, further proving my lack of worth.
I will continue to meditate, to eat well even when my appetite drops, to take my medications on time, and to allow myself to stay in my safe zone. I will give my therapist and logic the benefit of the doubt, that I just need to take a slow for a bit. I guess we’ll see which part of me turns out to be right.