As I sit on the couch half asleep to reality, lost in the consuming depression that seems to only grow with time, I read. Sometimes only in short bursts before my brain consumes me again and I must stop. Sometimes for a few hours allowing me to jump into someone elses world and forget my own for a time.
As I sat here in another spurt of not being able to pick up my book, I hear my son from the other room. “Mamma, after we put away our toys tonight can you read us a book?”. To some perhaps this is a simple question. To me this is the world. My children are both daddy’s boys and my disorder tells me they will never love me as they do him. That they don’t trust me or want me around. But today they want me to read. They want me to share an imaginary world with them. Tonight we will snuggle on the couch with hot apple cider or hot cocoa and travel together to another land.
Instead of sitting here lost in my current depression I can sit here and wonder, where will we go tonight? Hogwarts? Terabithia? Wonderland? Terror Tower? Mars? Those are just some of the places ready to be opened in my living room tonight. My sons question has reawakened me and I cannot wait to see where he chooses for us to travel tonight.
Update… he insisted on my reading “The Children’s Atlas of the Universe” even after my trying to explain “that’s not really a story book”. So I finally gave in only to quickly discover that I have no idea how to pronounce Kuiper, and so made up my own planet facts. Did you know that since Jupiter is the biggest gas giant in our solar system, that it also has the smelliest farts? Yeah, he didn’t believe me either.