Can’t come out for coffee today

I always try to spend my Saturday with y’all drinking coffee and sharing happy moments from my week. I can’t this week, I’m sorry. It’s been an especially stressful time, and while yes I have found small things to appreciate, I have pushed myself too hard this week and need to allow myself to feel.

By Friday afternoon as work began to slow, my anxiety from the week started to force itself to the surface. So when I got home my husband went out to get dinner, drinks and a movie to help us relax. It helped a bit but I fell asleep tense and shaking, trying to focus on meditative music and praying the panic won’t affect my dreams. I woke up this morning and hid on the couch. The kids are at their grandparents house this weekend so I had no responsibilities and could allow myself to face the emotions I always hide.

A large part of my focus with DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy for those who don’t know) is acknowledging my emotions non-judgmentally. So I’m trying. I have allowed myself to hide, to skip some chores, to feel nervous. In so doing I have not felt shear panic, I have not broken down into a severe depression, I have not become unable to put away some clothes or make myself a snack.

I was doing okay, and then my husband got attacked by a fucking dog! Now my body is stuck between panic and rage and the bitch who owns the dog is lucky I’m too emotionally exhausted to leave the fucking house. My husband is okay, just has a good bite in the leg. But what really gets me is that this women had no concern for my husband or the situation. Here’s what happened.

My husband was walking out of a store, not running, not stomping, not dancing, walking. Walking slowly and appreciating a day out shopping and the fact that he just found a good deal on a board game my son wants. As he walks past the dog sitting next to its owner, the dog suddenly jumps up and bites him. The owner realizes and gets the dog off of him, then tells him not to tell anyone. My husband has medical induced anxiety and would freak about a bite if not looked at by someone, and he is honest to a fault so felt the need to file a report. So the police came to the store, he explained the situation, he called me at the same time and calmly explained the situation to me, and the bitch (owner, not dog) starts yelling to the police that the dog didn’t actually bite him and he’s making the whole thing up. Yeah, ok, and he poured blood on his leg to make it more realistic, sure lady!

Anyway, they cleaned up his leg, he was shown to be fine, he came home. I’m thrilled that he is okay, but so upset at the situation, and especially the owner. If your dog bites someone, you shouldn’t say it’s made up, or hide the issue. You need to train your fucking dog! Seriously, go to pet smart and get some classes, and in a month surprise! Your dog can now sit, lay down, roll over, and NOT FUCKING BITE PEOPLE. Don’t want to spend money and time on training your dog? Than you should not own a dog! Dogs are living creatures that require the investment of time, money, attention, and love. Invest in your dog or give it to someone who will.

I do want to point out here, my husband and I love animals. When dogs approach with a friendly owner, we pet them. When we don’t know the dog or owner we try to give space as we don’t want to appear aggressive. We understand that dogs are protective of their humans so would never show ourselves to be a threat. At no time did my husband yell at the women, he did NOT tell the police that “something needs to be done about that dog” he simply made sure everything was on record and that he was safe to drive himself home. 

Anyhoo, I’m going back to hiding on the couch and reading. The hubby is chilling in bed watching tv. And I am now wondering if I can get to a Starbucks drive through without a panic attack cause I’m out of coffee at home. Wish me luck.

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