My overwhelmed brain

A thousand thoughts a second, too much noise, too much movement. I’m having one of those days where my BPD puts my brain on overdrive and I can feel everything. The Disney movie my children are watching is itchy on the sides of my face, the political news my husband is listening to crawls through my fingers, the lawnmower across the street makes me shaky, the random stream of light coming through the blinds tightens my chest. I feel everything. I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop, I want to distract my brain but everything makes it worse. I should take a sleeping pill but I have so much to do today. All I want is a short nap, is that so much to ask? A moments peace from this highly overwhelming brain day? But the worst is that when I do take a nap it will all follow me. All the stresses will appear in the vivid dreams I consistently have. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.
Update: after 2 hours of enjoying a nice morning, followed by over 4 hours of hiding on my bed out of terror of… um… I don’t know, life(?), I’ve made it back to my baseline of sitting on the couch only half as anxious, where I am now reading. I can now fake exsistance again. Welcome to a day in the life of a borderline, as this has been a very small glimpse of my daily exsistance.

If we were having coffee….

If we were having coffee you’d walk into Starbucks to meet me where I’ve been sitting and reading all morning. This specific location is one of my safe places, and I needed time away from cranky children “doing” their chores 😒

If we were having coffee I would tell you about the time I was waiting to use the restroom at this location for 15 mintues while a couple was having sex in there. And they thought they were being sly lol! We would laugh and chat in the comfy chairs in the corner and appreciate the sunny day.

If we were having coffee we would immediately regret the choice of iced coffee. It was warm at the register, but this corner is cold. So scoot closer and keep me warm while I tell you my favorite part of the week.

If we were having coffee I would share that I got to see an old employee of mine flourish in her new position. A much deserved promotion came with some difficulties and she faced them head on with understand and flexibility, and I could not be more proud! I also had the opportunity to give more leadership responsibilities to another employee due to some challenges I need to work on elsewhere. I’m leaning on him a lot and he has really stepped up. I truly feel blessed with how amazing my team is.

If we were having coffee I would warn you that the week has been very difficult and my future posts likely won’t be as cheery. But coffee breaks are for focusing on the good. So what was the best part of your week? Please share in the comments so I can celebrate your joy with you!