As part of my therapy, as well as my chakra balancing, I am trying to externalize more. If you’ve read some of my previous posts you know I’m working specifically on my throat chakra. The throat chakra is the center of communication as well as connected to creativity. I have worked hard to listen to others non-judgmentaly as part of my communication work, but still need to face my personal truths so I can learn to speak them effectively. So over the next week I will be blogging about my personal truths, opening up more than I feel comfortable because the fact is I need to face it, to face me. So I’m starting with something simple, why I started blogging.
There are a number of reasons; to externalize, to find a community online, to journal without carrying a journal. But the number one reason was because I’m so frustrated with the stigma of Borderline Personality Disorder.
Do me a favor, go on google and search “dealing with depression” what do you see? A long list of sites on tips for dealing with your depression, support groups, medical advice. Now change the search to “dealing with anxiety”. Now you have advice on coping with stress and anxiety, and tips for handling panic attacks. Change the search again, this time to “dealing with bipolar disorder”, many tips and medical info like with depression. But scroll down far enough and you might see a link here and there on “helping” someone with bipolar disorder, something geared towards the family’s coping skills.
Okay, now do one more search “dealing with borderline personality disorder”. What do you see? Link after link after link of dealing with someone who has BPD. On my entire first page of results right now their are 2 links aimed towards the person who has it, all the rest are tips for family, friends, and coworkers.
I once tried to search for support groups for BPD and 80% of the groups within driving distance are for family members of someone with BPD. My husband can get more support for having to deal with me than I will ever receive for having to deal with my own medical condition. That’s kinda messed up if you ask me.
Don’t get me wrong. I know I can stress my husband out, and I’m glad he has support available. But I feel like the world sees me as a lost cause, someone to put up with, someone who will never get better. When I get hit with the depression aspects of this disorder is it any wonder I believe the world is better off without me? The world is literally telling me it’s better off without me!
When I was 17 I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder, at which point a family member told me “that can’t be right, you’re not THAT crazy”. So, my husband is the only family member who knows my true diagnosis, to everyone else I call it anxiety. I don’t need more loving help telling me how crazy I’m not.
I don’t like the attitude toward BPD, and maybe I’m biased but I feel that as bad as the stigma is around mental illness, it’s the worst toward BPD. So I made a blog. I want to show what it is to live with the disorder. Not just survive, but to really succeed. I’m not the most successful person, but I have certainly lived beyond the expectations of me. I’m proud of that, and plan to continue this path. I want to show that someone with BPD can live a healthy happy life as long as they’re stubborn enough. And if there is one thing I excel at, it’s being stubborn!